December 2, 2008

It’s been on my mind to update, even if it’s nothing of great profundity.  I wanted to let somebody know that there are things that we are praying for that would mean changes in our lives; work, training, long term vocational stuff.  Yet, at the same time….I haven’t been excited about telling everyone all about what’s going on with us because I don’t want everyone to know that I am an angry, selfish person.  I am jealous of the time that I get to spend with my wife and don’t always want to see other people and have them over for dinner.  I like books and records and quiet cuddling with Leslie and petting our dog.  I am comforted by those things.  It’s only Jesus that whispers and sometimes yells into my ear, “I didn’t redeem you for your own comfort. I redeemed you into freedom so that you could fulfill the law by love.”  oh.    right.

Yet he has redeemed us into freedom, and there is a time for quiet evenings with leslie and a book while enjoying some music and no interruptions.  That just can’t be the longing of my heart.  Ah, my heart.  This is what Jesus truly cares about, and at the same time is the part of me I don’t want to show to anyone else because it is the origin of all of my ugliness.

So, this is me confessing to _____ that I have an ugly heart.  I give it away to Jesus and he gives me back righteousness that I could never get on my own.  That deal sounds so good, it makes me want to sit around with and talk about it someone, even if I have to give up my quiet evenings to do it.
Pour out your heart.

p.s. I am going to San Diego this Sat-Wed.  But it’s for work.


7 Responses to “update”

  1. Ray Ray said

    so glad that you choose to be obedient to the call of our father on your heart, even it it does mean giving up what you love most…comfort! So what are these pending changes??? You’re not moving to Oregon are you???!!
    Sad that you’ll be going to San Diego this weekend! We’ll all miss you in the office! Maybe Leslie could come in and hang out with us in your place! That would be too much fun!

  2. steven said

    Move to Oregon! I would be a regular on your doorstep.

  3. steven said

    Move to Oregon! I would be a regular on your doorstep.

  4. Jesse said

    Steven, she was joking. She wants to move to Oregon. I’ve got nothing against Oregon, except that I hate it and would never live there. ever. ~JJ

  5. iseethemoon said

    If that Oregon were your HEART or LIVER you’d be mighty fond of it . . . its all about perspective

    dont be so narrow minded 🙂
    …. and iloveyou

  6. Heidi said

    join the club. the jesus redeems ugly hearts club band….

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